So it is important to remember that the transformation process always begins and is accompanied by a level of discomfort, unease, or despair, and in this case is not pathologically based, but rather is a prelude to a profound change and impending rebirth of some aspect of the self.
- Karen Berggren, Circle of Shaman
My contract is up in about 2 1/2 weeks. Continued employment seems fairly assured, as my coworkers try to encourage me, I have 2 projects in the queue for me to work on, and I am on the on-call support schedule in both May and November. I haven't released my name change outside of my contract because I don't know whether I'll be given the opportunity to convert to a direct employee, yet. It changes which company is responsible for the announcements. The employer already has a process in place for transitioning employees, while the contract company, while being supportive and ready to work with me, has not done this before.
Whichever company I wind up making my announcement through, I am thinking of hosting a chance for my coworkers to meet me outside of work, the weekend before and the afternoon of my actual transition on the job.
More immediately, today I have practice for my part in "Becoming Real," an inter-generational service where I play the Velveteen Rabbit and at the end of the service I present my own testimonial of becoming real. If you're interested in attending, the service will be at First Unitarian of Louisville from 10:55 AM to 12-ish tomorrow. I expect that I'll be expected to hang around during the coffee hour as people will undoubtedly want to tell me how "courageous" I am. I want to tell them that it is more a process of giving up a fight I was losing than being courageous.
Tonight, I am driving to Lexington for the TransKentucky support group meeting. I am having difficulty remembering people's names already, though I do remember Cassie. Don't worry, I still remember your faces and look forward to seeing them again. I hoped to bring a copy of my book, but I loaned out the one copy I had the night before last to Marge at swing dance at Jim Porter's. When I teased her that she had to give a recommendation for reading it for free, she mistook my meaning and started thinking who she knew that might be interested instead of an online posting that I was imagining. I have ordered another copy and released the current version to be distribution. It should show up on Amazon in 6 to 8 weeks. It should be a helpful resource to anyone who is struggling with their identity and others who are curious about the human face of transsexualism. But be warned, I can't afford to give it away to everyone who might benefit from a reading. I may order about 5 loaner copies, though.
Laser treatment #4 is coming this Tuesday, the one day every 4 weeks that I have to show up as a scruffy woman, and then have to wait 24 hours before wearing make up to prevent contamination. Soon, it will all be worth it.
And, finally, next Saturday is my last counseling appointment before making my announcement. I certainly hope she has some resources or advice to make it easier.
Meanwhile, I'll be putting together a presentation on "Finding Your Spiritual Name," for the Sunday Morning Adult Round Table (SMART) discussion on Sunday, April 11. I have some ideas for the format that I'm toying with. It will be helpful if I have a copy of my book by then :)).
Hugs and God Bless,