Monday, June 7, 2010


I didn't set out to found a new transgender support group, even though I have honestly thought one was needed; but sometimes destiny does lie where passion, talent and needs meet.

Friday was my third attempt at just being there for local transsexuals to meet in Louisville. Once again, I took my book to the same Heine Brothers Coffee shop, ordered my small coffee, picked out a comfy chair and began to read.

At about 8 PM, a man stepped up, asked if I was Sophie and introduced me to his girlfriend. As we began to chat, Nikki showed up and we had to move outside where we had more tables to put together. It was nice on the veranda, and after several false starts I finally detailed what I thought were the support needs for people who transition from one gender to another and which ones were not being met by local groups. I did seem to get consensus with my observations that therapist-moderated support group meetings and agenda-free get-togethers in various public places in the greater city were needed. We had also decided that we were going to spin off a new group to meet these needs. I tentatively suggested the name Transcenders, and it seems to have stuck.

The remaining hour passed quickly and soon it was time for us to head back to our individual homes. We gave each other hugs as we planned to help look for venues for the support group meeting and meet this coming Saturday for a Potluck Picnic in Iroquois Park.

Saturday, when I went to the store wearing only lip cream for makeup, I decided to go ahead and make the switch to the cheaper mineral powder foundation. It's too hot for Dermablend, and after 5 laser treatments, the thinner foundation looks more natural on my skin anyway.

That evening, I drove to Lexington to meet with TransKentucky. As we were breaking up to head out for dinner, I wound up in a conversation with the beautiful Ms. Shandy. I was enthralled with her appearance and speech, and it took everything I had in me to tear myself apart after at least a half hour to catch up with the rest of the crowd that was surely by now eating at a local restaurant.

My daughter called about halfway through my dinner, and I was so happy to talk to her, until she hung up with, "Good night, I hate you." It so broke my heart I couldn't eat one bite more. I had already told the waitress that I thought I didn't need a box, and so I had a bit of difficulty getting her attention because I had changed my mind. If there's anything I regret about transitioning, it's that my baby can be so callous.

Sunday morning found me serving coffee, because the person who was scheduled to do it had spent the last week with someone who had an emergency run to the hospital for an emergency bypass. In situations like that, I have no problem just going ahead and covering for them.

I was so exhausted after church, that I decided against going to the Monkey Wrench for Open Mic night and took a 2 hour nap instead that turned into a 3-hour nap. At least I was fresh and ready for laundry, and once I had everything in the washer and pulled out my book to read, I realized that I had left my reading glasses at home. I watched the last half hour of Kick-Ass playing on the laundromat screen, sucked into the unexpected drama at the end of the action film. The next half hour was just an incredible bore with some para-military movie playing that I didn't want to watch, until my laundry was done in the dryer.

When I got home, it was so stifling hot that I had to open the windows. I started the oven warming for dinner, grabbed a chair and took it outside to my porch. There, I was joined by my upstairs neighbour Kim and a couple of her friends, chilling before they headed off for karaoke. All the girl talk we shared was rather pleasant. At 9, I called my daughter, got the answering service and left a message. About 10 PM, I headed inside and soon had a call from my daughter, who once again broke my heart when she called, this time criticizing me as "the worst father in the world" and saying that I "don't love children."

Sometimes, this is just so hard to take. I don't think I can answer the phone in front of other people when she calls any more, because I don't want to ruin their moment by being reduced to tears.

When I got to work, I noticed an email from my counsellor saying that she had narrowed the venue for group therapy down to about two locations, had an evening time in mind already, and was just unsure what day to hold the meetings.

As my wife was telling me, we can't have everything. We have to sacrifice some things to have others. It seems so horrible, though, to be able to live at peace with myself, I have to sacrifice the love of my baby daughter.

Hugs and God Bless,


  1. Sophie,
    All we can do is tell them we love them every day and pray that God will release their anger in some small way. My daughter is 28 and it took her 6 years to come around. Not a long time in the universe of things.

  2. Sorry to hear about the distress this is causing you.
    She is obviously finding things difficult and is reacting in a typical fashoin for a child.
    Please try to keep hope that with time and growth on her part along with the love that you show her, that things will change.
    You can do no more than you are doing now.
    I know it hurts but please dont let it destroy who you are.