Sunday, June 20, 2010

Descending the Stairs

We took a right, descended a flight of stairs, and followed Ethan through another hallway to a set of antique wooden doors.

-- Chloe Neill, Some Girls Bite
My leg is still hurting. At least the acute pain is gone, but I seem to be living on 650 mg acetaminophen tablets.

It's also a small world. Through the door to my church walked two people, Ruth and Margery, who I know from dance classes at Jim Porter's for the Inter-generational Choir. I asked another person if it was her first time or a member I hadn't met, and she replied that she was just someone I hadn't met and was there for my "talk," on Easter Sunday.

It's Father's Day for most today, but I see it as my youngest daughter's birthday. She turned six today, and I miss her. I called after church to wish her "Happy Birthday," and she returned my call to say, "Happy Father's Day."

To be honest, I am really amazed at the woman in the mirror. The reinforcing image almost completely erases the moments of gender doubt. It is only in moments when I am with someone much more feminine physically that I begin to feel confusion. But seeing a women in the mirror calms me. Even remembering that image helps. It wasn't that long ago that I felt a greater doubt, when feeling more androgynous, I would see something more masculine in the mirror.

As I was leaving the church, Gail was coming in. As I stopped to tell her good morning, she lifted my hand to kiss my knuckles for the second time this month, which sent a shiver down my spine that continued for at least 15 minutes. She told me that she was looking for me last night at the Kentuckiana Pride performance at a group I used to attend. She wasn't the only one. I also returned a call last night to Barb and Shirley, explaining that I was an hour away and wouldn't be able to watch Taylor Dane with them for that reason. Gail strongly suggested that I go next year.

Perhaps I will. I don't know. I miss my children, I don't make enough money to take a vacation or pay for their plane fare and as a contractor, I don't earn vacation pay. The current contract goes to the end of the fiscal year, September 30, a scant 3 1/2 months away. That means August 1, I enter the passive job market, where I update my online resume and start responding to recruiter's offers.

That's about all the news.

Hugs and God Bless,

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