So now the trick is to pick which younger me. Which one or ones would listen to what I have to say? I might have to drop several notes along the way.
Let's start with Kindergarten. When the scene closes in, there's a little boy who decided to play hooky after recess instead of just going into the class room so that he can walk the board on the ground that the girls had just been led over by the teacher as a balance beam. He's a little scared, so he carries a stick he has picked up on the ground. Perhaps he reached down and picks up this note I would leave behind:
I know how frightening it must be to have to be with the boys and not be allowed to do things with the girls anymore. There's no one in the bushes ready to jump out and beat you up. Carry the stick if it makes you more comfortable, but you won't need it. As you look into the trees and the blades of grass, be happy for who you are, and instead of running away and pretending to be tough to everyone, be really courageous and talk to your teacher. Tell her in private why you played hooky instead of keeping it a shameful secret.
Don't be afraid to like things, even if they were meant for girls. And you don't have to let people tell you how to feel. Your feelings are your greatest treasure, there's nothing wrong with them and you will come to find there are other people who have had similar feelings.
Don't be afraid to share your feelings. It's okay to not like things and to like others. Mommy and Daddy will love you no matter who you are and want to know what you are really feeling.
You have a heart for peace, love and joy. Don't let anybody take that away from you or encourage you to cover it up.
Love courageously and speak the truth. It is who you are and will be. You may not know it now, but there are going to be people watching you throughout your life, and they will take heart by the things you do, the examples you set, because they appreciate how different you are
But most of all, don't feel sorry for yourself too often, because you will inevitably cut yourself off from people who will come to love you. It is this act of sheilding yourself from others that will create an intense loneliness if unchecked.
And even if you do feel like a stranger in a strange land, in reality you are not alone. When you have difficulties trying to be a boy, knowing you should be a girl, help is really not that far away. Don't be afraid to tell someone. Mommy will listen. Your teacher will listen, and some people may not believe you. But you know the truth.
Be true to yourself.
Love from your future self,