The weight of the action I filed yesterday is just weighing me down. I miss my apartment, and I have to banish thoughts of dangling ropes and punching the accelerator from my mind. I was thinking of just posting a blog entry with one word in the title, echoed in the content--"blah."
I'm alone and as the song goes, "I ain't got nobody..." and all the rest of the words that follow. It feels like I've lost all meaning to my existence.
But do I really have nobody? Just because I don't have a "romantic interest" doesn't mean that I am completely alone (I can feel the therapy in this blog already). After dance lessons, I was invited to a house party by Rose (I had to ask her name) which conflicted with a support meeting tonight that I doubted anybody would attend anyway. She wrote her name and address in my book, letting me know that she was inviting other people there, not just Swing dancers.
I also chatted with Lindsay for a little while before she was dragged off to the dance floor, who asked how I was doing. It seems "Everone knows [my] name," as the theme from Cheers goes, yet I am struggling to catch up, and quite a few people are comfortable with me.
I also got a call from Lisa, who I met a few weeks ago when I was going through my rebellious phase, who called to see how I was doing since she hadn't heard from me in a while. She's got pneumonia, and is on some serious antibiotics. I keep struggling to remember her partner's name-Roselyn-who seems to also be a very good friend.
As I was writing this, I noticed an invitation in my email for a swim and cookout party on July 4th at a church member's house.
While the legal cutting of a long relation seems like the end of the world and that I'll always be alone, it's not a rational conclusion--unless I dwell on it.
I am surrounded by good people--people I have met in various situations, just by taking the opportunities to get out and accepting invitations to try new things with them and, consequently, meet new people.
The tempation to escape and crawl away into a corner in my home, would then be the worst possible thing I could do. I need to keep doing what I've been doing.
I'm not sure what the meaning in my life is, but I am beginning to feel it's just being a friend to anyone I encounter who needs one, which brings the theme to Golden Girls to my head, "Thank you for being a friend."
Hugs and God Bless,