Swallowed Up

The crowd released me for a moment, then swallowed me again.
- Kelley Armstrong, Dime Store Magic

I am starting to get so many requests on my time, that I am starting to say no to some. This is actually a good thing. It shows a level of community acceptance, despite the emotional baggage that I sometimes carry with me. I've come a long way from the lonely times in November when I was trapped alone with my feelings from a traumatic weekend, and I've learned a lot since then.

I have learned to trust my instincts, believe that my friends haven't dumped me because they won't answer my calls, and that sharing personal stories benefits others as well as yourself. I have also learned that my assumptions about what other people feel about me is circumspect.

The church wants me to take a role in imparting whatever wisdom I may have picked up during my journey. When I asked for a naming ceremony, the minister suggested I play the central role in her presentation on Easter Sunday. The leader of the Adult Education group wants me to do a topic related to how I chose my name, so I will attempt to put together a study on Finding Your Spiritual Name. The leader of the Interweave group wants me to lead a topic on Famous Transgender People as part of her series on Famous LGBT people. I've taken over the duties of Greeting Coordinator as part of the Membership Committee, and I have already talked about what it means to be transgender to church High School students and this Summer I will speak with middle school kids.

Yesterday, a friend who's in town for a short time before moving to California, called me to the local meeting place to meet her fiancee, and wants me to come to her last performance which is doubling as her birthday party. I met another member of the troupe, we hit it off and she wanted me to be there as well. Actually, she was the fourth member that asked me.

The dance society that I take lessons with thinks I am getting better and keeps suggesting I hang around with them. I stick with Thursdays for now. It's free. The lesson goes from 7-8 and the floor is open to dancing afterwards. While this month's lessons right now are on the Lindy Hop, the gentlemen started catching me up on East (West?) Coast Swing, which appears to be a favorite. As a follow, I just have to learn the basic moves and the signals for the turns, and how to transition out of the turn to the basic moves again. I'm a beginner, but I'm confident I'll get it. I have always admired a dancer's body, and dancing as a follow is apparently a good way to develop the hip and thigh muscles, as well as developing grace and feminine trust.

And of course, I still attend the local transgender support group and the tri-state support group meetings. This week, I'm sitting out the support group events because of conflicting commitments. I didn't think this would ever happen. Sunday, after church, I plan to attend my first PFLAG meeting.

At least all this takes my mind off the 3000 dollars in tax I owe.

Hugs and God Bless,
Sophie