I have had some conflicts on the inside for the past several months about my transition. It seems my male side was still fighting to stay in control and this in turn brought about doubts on whether it was the right thing to do. I now know for a fact that it is the right thing; all I have to do is remember my past and how I felt. I made up my mind and I have never felt better. The first thing I did was to pack up all of my male clothes that I did not need for work. The next thing was to set a goal or should I say 2 goals the first is to drop 50 pounds by the end of this year, the next is to finish up my electrolysis, all to go full time by Jan 1 of next year. Wish me luck.
I don't think there's a woman alive who didn't feel a little masculine once in a while. I found those moments confusing, until I realized that gender variance waves must me natural, and in the number of times I have broached the idea to women I know, no one has raised a doubt. I must conclude that if there are women out their that feel feminine all the time, they are rare.
The masculine energy sometimes comes in useful from time to time for me, such as at work where I must be extremely logical and analytical, asserting my own right to be there. I sometimes hear that my voice has dropped some and, even after 8 months of living full time, it is the one place that when I hear "she" or "her," I do a mental double-take and realize they're talking about me. I intimately understand the difficulty that other people who know me must have switching to the new pronoun use, and am very forgiving, while gently correcting.
I still have a few male clothes, mostly work out things and souvenirs. And sneakers and socks. I have a size 13W in women's shoes and have come to realize that tall women must purchase men's sneakers and socks or not have any. In time, my masculine and energies merged into an integrated whole.
It's good to have a transition plan. But don't be afraid to adjust your transition velocity to a rate that makes you comfortable. I initially set my target dates out to be safe, but once I got started, I found life much easier to proceed at a slightly faster pace.
I still don't have all of my beard removed, yet, and many women don't finish electrolysis for years. I accelerated the process in Kentucky when I found that laser treatment prices had dropped by 80%. It was almost a year for my 7 or 8 treatments. While my cheeks are clear, thanks to the laser hair removal, and some prior electrolysis, it didn't clear the sparser lighter colored hairs on my chin line and neck. When I'm done getting my teeth back in shape, I'll be seeking out a new electrologist to focus on the most visible areas.
With good planning, you don't need luck, you just need the opportunities for them to meet.
Hugs and God Bless,
Sophie
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