Exhaustion

The kids are headed back to Texas today. I made sure to give everyone a hug Sunday morning as the car was packed up and they drove out of sight.

It was great having the time to spend with them, to spoil them for a short time, to let them see how much my attitude has changed since I've gone full time. And they are both growing so much.

Friday, after work, my youngest had me change into my denim skorts from my work skirt and we headed out to watch The Sorcerer's Apprentice, a great movie, with romance, comedy and action.

Saturday, we headed off to the Frazier Museum in downtown Louisville to see the Pirates exhibit. Once inside, it was very clear the museum was a war museum, something I would not normally be interested in. But once we found the Pirate exhibit, and got a little attention from the curator, it was fun.

As we left the museum, classic Barbie dolls in the original container sitting on a couch a couple of store fronts on the way back to the car, drew my attention. While my daughters thought it was freaky and a little haunted, the old chinese proprietress invited us to look around her curio shop. It was indeed filled with treasures, from crystal chandeliers, china cabinets and settings to a Popeye mug, furniture and a nude lamp holding the globe light on her foot. I will probably be back when I have the money and a bigger place.

We spent the next two hours at the Atlantis water park in Indiana again, after getting a little lost trying to remember our way, It took instructions from Walgreen's and a nearby liquor store before I finally found the nestled park again. Next time, I'll just remember it's the road right behind the Holiday Inn.

After the kids left Sunday morning, I discovered I had time to get ready and go to the church. I fought nausea the whole way and I didn't have any appetite. As I was sitting down, chatting with Don, sipping a coffee and losing the battle with my inner ear in the fellowship area. Gail came whooshing down toward me in a white dress with flower print on it. I barely had time to breathe, "Hi Gail," before she reached down, hugged me and planted a kiss. When my focus cleared, and right before she turned to walk into the sanctuary, I noticed she had her grandkids in tow.

Peggy stopped by, smiled and said, "I was hoping Sophie was here. I need to check my mascara and lipstick." Somehow, several ladies of the church are using me as their model of femininity. That certainly makes it a lot easier for me to fit in.

Unfortunately, the nausea was getting the better part of me, and I let a couple people know of my apparent exhaustion. I started to veer from a man I saw wearing what appeared to be only a bathing suit. As I got to my car, I noticed he was walking around the church in only slacks, socks, and a wristband only. Digging into my bag in the trunk of my car, I pulled out one of my male golf shirts, ran after him and asked him if he could use it, because it was going to get "awfully hot." I finally had an opportunity to use my old male clothes for what I intended. He said, "Please" and "Thank you" and put the shirt on as I walked away, making me feel better. And I thought about the strange coincidence, allowing me to show kindness to a stranger, because I was feeling ill, but had tried to attend church anyway.

The rest of the day was spent in total exhaustion. I tried to spend some time with Brandy, but found comfort only in trying to sleep. About 8 PM, I confirmed I had left my glasses at Brandy's place, and she said she would come over after her shower. At 9, I changed into my only summer sleepwear left, which was this pink with polka-dotted set, and at 10, I braved the neighborhood eyes, and went to retrieve my glasses. Brandy was in a state of constant interruption, with a towel on her head, and remarked how she like my sleepwear.

My exhaustion didn't break until about 3 AM this morning, when I finally felt real hunger in my belly. I finished off the orange juice and chased in down with milk, not quite ready for solid food yet, as the heat of the bathroom alone was starting to get to me. The scale, however, had me at a new low: 188 pounds, not bad considering the day before had me back  up to 196.

Since I got to work this morning, I've polished off a granola bar and a nectarine. It's only 10:30 AM and I'm about to dig into my remaining orange I found in my purse.

I have gender counseling tonight. I suspect my referral letter for surgery is ready. I've already seen the first page, and it is well-written. I imagine that we'll also discuss how my transition at work is going, how my time with my two daughters fared, and how my ex and I are coping with the divorce.

Afterwards, it's off to the library to drop off The Evolution of Calpernia Tate. It seems someone else has requested it, and I only got 55 pages into the book in three weeks. It's been a long time since I've had to return a book unread. I am going to have to ignore the newly installed cable until I'm bored reading.

Hugs and God Bless,

Sophia Jean