Haunting him are the arguments against suicide that he offered to Captain Oshima.
-- John Hamamura, Color of the Sea
In Japan, the Samurai culture lived an intense code of honor. They believed that once they gave their word, they would sooner die than break their integrity. In a very real sense, this ethos forced people to live honestly, since promises were not handed out idly. If they felt that they dishonored their family name, the shame would drive them to suppuku, a ritual said to restore honor by immolating themselves on the point of a sword. In the movies, you usually see a clean thrust and then the person committing suppuku leans over and dies.
Somehow, this code of honor has bled into American culture, as evidenced by the amount of suicides that occur every year. The number of people taking the "easy way out" is even higher among LGBT (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender people), who feel that they have shamed their family. So they quite often seek a quick and relatively painless death.
Live with your grief. Pain makes us human. The shame we have felt enables us to minister to others in deep emotional trauma, even those who ministered to us. Your family is 5 billion strong, and never forget it. Our home is the planet we live on. If you feel you've shamed all 5 billion people on this earth, then I encourage you to be a walking example of temerity. Let's call this The Code of Support. Someone out there needs your help, and someone out there is willing to help you.
I was going to talk a little about the Movie Night I hosted for my local support group, but I can see I have go on long enough.
Be a survivor. Deal with it. Get over it.
Hugs and God Bless,