Sunday, January 2, 2011
An Attempt to Disprove My Theory
Despite the fact that I'm probably really intersex and didn't know it.
I poked around last night and measured the depth of my inguinal canal on both sides. I was trying to disprove my theory that I have PMDS (Persistant Mullerian Duct Syndrome). On the left side, I can insert a finger up to 2 knuckles deep and on the right, 1, corresponding to 3 inches and 1.5 inches respectively. I Google'd the depth of the inguinal canal and found that the right side is the average normal depth. I discovered another link that said a uterus is about 3 inches deep by 1 inch wide. What I have down there has the same dimensions as a uterus. Needless to say, I didn't sleep well last night.
My doctor had previously put me on a double dose on the patch, and wrote the prescription for the injection in a way that assumed I would do the same, but working my way up. She said to do 20 to 40 mg bi-weekly, starting at 20 mg to see how well I took it. The prescription reads "Take as directed." Many women in transition work their way up to 5 mg daily. The doctors before were trying to help feminize slowly, per my request. The fact that I can still get an erection is also an indication that the dose right now is too low.
I am a woman. I have no choice to like it or not. And I have not been able to deny it anymore for a few years now. While my body is apparently physiologically 75% male, that remaining 25% was enough to leave my mind a blank slate before hormones. And it seems now not so much a coincidence that I developed at 3/4 the rate of other boys. At 16, I looked 12 and hated it. My first whisker was at 17, my first chest hair arrived in my early 20s. My arms wouldn't build until I was in my late 20s. At 36, I suddenly had the physique of a 25 year-old man and freaked, seeing my father in the mirror. People still try to guess my age in my 30s. Now, at 45, I don't hate my slow adolescence anymore. Slow adolescence is one of the symptoms of AIS (Androgyne Insensitivity Syndrome) and PMDS is a form of Mild AIS, but more specifically related to Anti-Mullerian Hormone Deficiency or defective Androgyne Receptors.
But I do know now, as a woman, becoming that woman, spiritually and physically, I am more at peace with myself, I am more outgoing, I am more loving and more loved.
Hugs and God Bless,