Monday, May 31, 2010

Fennel for You

There's fennel for you, and columbines;
There's rue for you, and here's some for me.

- William Shakespeare, Hamlet

The lawnmowers outside are noisily cutting the grass on my front lawn, the heat and humidity require cold drinks to keep from melting, and I can't wait until I can step outside on my porch to read.

It's a nice day. I'm wearing my almost-knee-length zebra-striped red and black skirt with the strawberry print and my half-sleeve chocolate brown top with the waist tie in a bow of to the side, and it's been one month now since I went full time.

There are significant changes you have to get used to. Instead of washing the makeup off my face in the morning and rushing home to shave and put it on, everything is now almost reversed. In the morning, I go through my 15 minute routine, and allow the dermablend to slowly fade the rest of the day. The airing of my skin now occurs mostly on the weekend, and on holidays while I stay at home. And shaving is done now in the mornings. The laser treatments have left me in a state where I hardly ever get "beard emergencies" anymore, the stubble takes over a day and a half to be noticeable, and it's more noticeable to me by feel than by look. I still have three of the eight sessions left, which are now six weeks apart, and I expect the dark part of the beard will be completely gone by then.

When I started going full-time, the last place where I could express the little bit of male tomboy in me had been invaded. But I am finding a fusion of my personalities in full bloom. While I feel every bit female, entering and leaving the job, as well as in normal interactions, I can still tap into that analytical mode in my male side as needed, while still looking as I feel most of the rest of the time. But in all other ways, I am experiencing a personal freedom and a sense of joy in the workplace that I have never known before, and I feel so good. On Friday, because it was jeans day, I wore my blue jeans with a nice button-up top. Sandra said she liked my look, even though I felt weird, and that it was nice to go tomboy

I so want to share this joy. That's why every Friday I go out to the Heine Brothers coffee shop with my book and wait for two hours for anyone who would like to show up and talk.

A couple of years ago I would never have imagined that my lack of joy was due to the female denied. There is so much to love--to truly passionately love.

Hugs and God Bless,


  1. Well next Friday, I'll have a coffee and think of you, even if I can't make the physical visit to the coffee shop.

  2. Sophie, I know what you mean, and like Claire I would love to be with you for that coffee, however, it should be pointed out that you have shared your joy, and beautifully too! Thank you.