New Passport Gender Guidelines

The State Department just released a statement yesterday (http://www.state.gov/r/pa/prs/ps/2010/06/142922.htm) about its new policy about the gender marker on passports being issued. It's huge news in the transgender community, and could be the first and largest domino in a chain to revise Draconian gender marker policies.


Until July 10, the policy for determining the gender marker on passports will have been that the passport holder must have a letter from a surgeon for SRS (sexual reassignment surgery) before applying the gender-appropriate marker. The only exception was that temporary passports could be issued for an overseas trip to have the surgery performed. According to WPATH standards, a person must be living full time in their target gender for at least a year before having surgery. The price for a reputable surgeon costs anywhere from 16,000 dollars to 22,0000 dollars for male to female and female to male is even more expensive. Because of the mandatory time in the gender role, the cost of the procedure, unfair insurance practices to deny coverage, and the fact that the surgery is too dangerous for some people to undergo, transitioning women in most states are forced to live full time with the stigma of their prior gender marked on their identification--which is used for employment, housing, credit, law enforcement--and discrimination.


But the new change in policy will change the impact of the gender marker problem. According to the state department:

Beginning June 10, when a passport applicant presents a certification from an attending medical physician that the applicant has undergone appropriate clinical treatment for gender transition, the passport will reflect the new gender. The guidelines include detailed information about what information the certification must include. It is also possible to obtain a limited-validity passport if the physician’s statement shows the applicant is in the process of gender transition. No additional medical records are required. Sexual reassignment surgery is no longer a prerequisite for passport issuance. A Consular Report of Birth Abroad can also be amended with the new gender.

What this means, is that a person in transition will be able to obtain a permanent identification that can be used in all the above locations without a gender marker that flags them for possible discrimination and instead carries a gender marker that reflects who they are.


Essentially, a lot of the power of the state id's to enforce the gender identification of a transgender person to their birth sex, has just been stripped. And hopefully, the social security administration and other states will be forced to follow suit.

I should mention that the new policy goes into effect 4 days before my birthday, and since I'm planning a little month-long trip to Thailand next July...


I see my endocrynologist for a follow up the first week of August. I should show her this and ask her for a certification for having "undergone appropriate clinical treatment for gender transition."


Hugs and God Bless,
Sophie

Dancing the Blues

The Blues Swing lesson and dancing after last night was incredible. When I watched the instructors demonstrate what we were going to learn that night, I thought that I was going to fail so miserably out of my league. As they performed a jump into promenade and launched into pivots, my heart just dropped into my stomach.


Oh well, I thought. I'll just try my best. After 15 minutes of review, we were taken through some exercises to prepare us for the sultry walk in closed position forward and backward across the floor. Having been taught proper compression, and constrained to my tight skirt, it actually wasn't too terribly difficult to wait for the lead's legs to lead mine as he took me backward, and to be drawn by the void trying to keep compression on his right shoulder as he stepped backward, leading me forward.


We rotated fast through the class, so that I wound up dancing with several guys twice during the lesson. The promenade kick turn was manageable, and before I knew it, we were doing pivots, which I have to say seems more difficult for the leads. When we put the whole thing together, everything felt so perfectly right. I had done it! I hadn't embarassingly failed after all!


I got my dances from my usuals, but in double and triple dose this time. No one was embarassed to dance closed with me.


When I had left one dance partner on the dance floor, saw adorable Dan dodging around the crowd looking for a new partner, turned and walked toward my seat with my back toward him, he coyly came around my left side and sprang into my path putting his hand out for a dance with the cutest grin on his face.


Sly Jim had already led me through blues swing without telling me when he took me to the floor over the last few months, which became ever so obvious as he snagged me for the last dance after I changed my shoes to go home.


For the first time that night, during intermittent East Coast Swing, I not only nailed the double outside turn, but I also got that left knee up on the dip.


Tomorrow night is the second half of my weekly two-fer. Dan's teaching lesson number two of basic East Coast Swing. As I take the formal classes after so much floor time, I'm finding that it pays off in a smoother dance.


Tonight is for solitude. I have a few contacts to make to try to get two more greeters on the schedule, send out the hospitality reminder for this Sunday's team and maybe get past page 50 of Five Quarters of the Orange.


Hugs and God Bless,
Sophie

Ducking

And she struck at me clumsily with one clawing hand, almost losing balance, stubbing at the path with her stick. I ran then, turning back only when I was well out of range, ducking down beside a stand of red currants, to watch her staggering toward the house, dragging her feet in great loops in the dirt behind
her.


- Joanne Harris, Five Quarters of an Orange

Sometimes, somebody hurts so bad they lash out at the people they love, and when that happens repeatedly, the best thing to do is duck out of sight until they have enough room to let it out and cool off.

This morning, I checked my voice mail, expecting to hear more vituperous speech. Instead, I heard a rapid, "Good Night, God Bless You. I love you...dad." So I guess it's safe to come out of hiding now and give her a call tonight around bedtime.

Some people believe they have to suffer abusive relationships, feel they're worthy of the invectives and treatment stemming from the other person. Sometimes they take the punishment passively as a punching bag, while others jump in the fray, toe-to-toe, scream-for-scream.

How you deal with a situation that cannot be escaped depends on the individual situations and requires careful consideration. But if you can leave the abuse, then do so. Get away. No one deserves to be treated as something to heap insults on or as a punching bag.

Well-intentioned people do bad things, say bad things when they are hurting physically or emotionally and feel pressured to do something. If their pain is unacknowledged, the adrenaline running through their bloodstream can cause them to overreact in their effort to be understood. Words are often said that burn indelibly in another person's psyche, only to be thrown back out when they are hurting.

I escaped for a moment last night. It was hard, but it was worth it. While I escaped, someone showed me a little bit of pole dancing, which I have always wanted to try, and I made new friends in a place where people are often used and taken for granted. Yes, there was one person there who wanted to use me, but I easily deflected his attempts to get too close.

I'm a bit light on sleep today. Tonight is Lesson #2 in Blues Swing dancing at the Riverbend Winery and I'm looking forward to it. Last Thursday, Jim told me my dance is getting much smoother, and I felt a secret thrill. I have been trying to be an honest follow, and if my lead accidentally sends the wrong signal or fails to send one, I'll attempt to somehow incorporate the flawed instruction. Hopefully, this kind of "no mercy" will actually expand their own repoirtoire with mine, leaving them thinking to themselves, I didn't know I could do that and boosting their confidence and skills.

Then, when my glass is dry, I'll go home, call my daughters and tell them, "Good Night. God Bless You. I Love You."

Hugs and God Bless,

- Sophie

Transcenders

I didn't set out to found a new transgender support group, even though I have honestly thought one was needed; but sometimes destiny does lie where passion, talent and needs meet.

Friday was my third attempt at just being there for local transsexuals to meet in Louisville. Once again, I took my book to the same Heine Brothers Coffee shop, ordered my small coffee, picked out a comfy chair and began to read.

At about 8 PM, a man stepped up, asked if I was Sophie and introduced me to his girlfriend. As we began to chat, Nikki showed up and we had to move outside where we had more tables to put together. It was nice on the veranda, and after several false starts I finally detailed what I thought were the support needs for people who transition from one gender to another and which ones were not being met by local groups. I did seem to get consensus with my observations that therapist-moderated support group meetings and agenda-free get-togethers in various public places in the greater city were needed. We had also decided that we were going to spin off a new group to meet these needs. I tentatively suggested the name Transcenders, and it seems to have stuck.

The remaining hour passed quickly and soon it was time for us to head back to our individual homes. We gave each other hugs as we planned to help look for venues for the support group meeting and meet this coming Saturday for a Potluck Picnic in Iroquois Park.

Saturday, when I went to the store wearing only lip cream for makeup, I decided to go ahead and make the switch to the cheaper mineral powder foundation. It's too hot for Dermablend, and after 5 laser treatments, the thinner foundation looks more natural on my skin anyway.

That evening, I drove to Lexington to meet with TransKentucky. As we were breaking up to head out for dinner, I wound up in a conversation with the beautiful Ms. Shandy. I was enthralled with her appearance and speech, and it took everything I had in me to tear myself apart after at least a half hour to catch up with the rest of the crowd that was surely by now eating at a local restaurant.

My daughter called about halfway through my dinner, and I was so happy to talk to her, until she hung up with, "Good night, I hate you." It so broke my heart I couldn't eat one bite more. I had already told the waitress that I thought I didn't need a box, and so I had a bit of difficulty getting her attention because I had changed my mind. If there's anything I regret about transitioning, it's that my baby can be so callous.

Sunday morning found me serving coffee, because the person who was scheduled to do it had spent the last week with someone who had an emergency run to the hospital for an emergency bypass. In situations like that, I have no problem just going ahead and covering for them.

I was so exhausted after church, that I decided against going to the Monkey Wrench for Open Mic night and took a 2 hour nap instead that turned into a 3-hour nap. At least I was fresh and ready for laundry, and once I had everything in the washer and pulled out my book to read, I realized that I had left my reading glasses at home. I watched the last half hour of Kick-Ass playing on the laundromat screen, sucked into the unexpected drama at the end of the action film. The next half hour was just an incredible bore with some para-military movie playing that I didn't want to watch, until my laundry was done in the dryer.

When I got home, it was so stifling hot that I had to open the windows. I started the oven warming for dinner, grabbed a chair and took it outside to my porch. There, I was joined by my upstairs neighbour Kim and a couple of her friends, chilling before they headed off for karaoke. All the girl talk we shared was rather pleasant. At 9, I called my daughter, got the answering service and left a message. About 10 PM, I headed inside and soon had a call from my daughter, who once again broke my heart when she called, this time criticizing me as "the worst father in the world" and saying that I "don't love children."

Sometimes, this is just so hard to take. I don't think I can answer the phone in front of other people when she calls any more, because I don't want to ruin their moment by being reduced to tears.

When I got to work, I noticed an email from my counsellor saying that she had narrowed the venue for group therapy down to about two locations, had an evening time in mind already, and was just unsure what day to hold the meetings.

As my wife was telling me, we can't have everything. We have to sacrifice some things to have others. It seems so horrible, though, to be able to live at peace with myself, I have to sacrifice the love of my baby daughter.

Hugs and God Bless,
Sophie

Time to Get Serious...

...about reducing my arm and shoulder size. If I can seriously tone my muscles in those two spots, they shouldn't scream male anymore. Hormones isn't doing it for me, so it's going to take a lot of work.

Muscle is hard to reduce. From Googling, it looks like I'm going to have to do the absolute reverse of what I did to bulk them up in the first place almost 20 years ago. Back then, I focused on the slow-twitch muscles with high weights, low reps, rest and calories, preferrably protein.

It's a lot more work going the other way, on the slow-twitch endurance muscles. I am going to have to get some light-weight dumbbells, do two sets of 80-100 reps every day with two minutes in between each set, avoid protein for 3-four hours after each workout, kicking off with sugar product and preferring carbohydrates, vegetables and fruit. Then I am going to have to add a daily cardiovascular boost, which will probably leave me starving. I am going to focus on how much better I will feel when I am lighter on my feet, and how I'll be able to reduce my blouse size to a 12-14 when I need one with sleeves.

My routine will change in the following ways, starting tomorrow morning:

• Up at 5:30 AM for weight-training for 15 minutes (2 sets of 80 each of bicep and tricep curls with low weights)
• Out the door at 6 AM for jogging in good weather. Do trampoline exercises inside for inclement weather.
• Fruit breakfast at 6:30 AM before hitting the shower and resuming my old routine.

Hopefully, that should do the trick.

Hugs and God Bless,

Sophie

Note to a Younger Sophie

There seems to be a new trend and it seems to be therapeutic. I have seen a number of posts on the concept of "Note to a Younger Me," so I thought I would give it a try.

So now the trick is to pick which younger me. Which one or ones would listen to what I have to say? I might have to drop several notes along the way.

Let's start with Kindergarten. When the scene closes in, there's a little boy who decided to play hooky after recess instead of just going into the class room so that he can walk the board on the ground that the girls had just been led over by the teacher as a balance beam. He's a little scared, so he carries a stick he has picked up on the ground. Perhaps he reached down and picks up this note I would leave behind:

Dear Bobby,

I know how frightening it must be to have to be with the boys and not be allowed to do things with the girls anymore. There's no one in the bushes ready to jump out and beat you up. Carry the stick if it makes you more comfortable, but you won't need it. As you look into the trees and the blades of grass, be happy for who you are, and instead of running away and pretending to be tough to everyone, be really courageous and talk to your teacher. Tell her in private why you played hooky instead of keeping it a shameful secret.

Don't be afraid to like things, even if they were meant for girls. And you don't have to let people tell you how to feel. Your feelings are your greatest treasure, there's nothing wrong with them and you will come to find there are other people who have had similar feelings.

Don't be afraid to share your feelings. It's okay to not like things and to like others. Mommy and Daddy will love you no matter who you are and want to know what you are really feeling.

You have a heart for peace, love and joy. Don't let anybody take that away from you or encourage you to cover it up.

Love courageously and speak the truth. It is who you are and will be. You may not know it now, but there are going to be people watching you throughout your life, and they will take heart by the things you do, the examples you set, because they appreciate how different you are

But most of all, don't feel sorry for yourself too often, because you will inevitably cut yourself off from people who will come to love you. It is this act of sheilding yourself from others that will create an intense loneliness if unchecked.

And even if you do feel like a stranger in a strange land, in reality you are not alone. When you have difficulties trying to be a boy, knowing you should be a girl, help is really not that far away. Don't be afraid to tell someone. Mommy will listen. Your teacher will listen, and some people may not believe you. But you know the truth.

Be true to yourself.

Love from your future self,

Sophie

Hospitality

I saw something amazing happen this Sunday, and I'm hoping we can keep the energy going. Due to the miscommunication of who was going to greet and serve coffee, it seemed the very congregation of First Unitarian was welcoming everyone who walked through our doors. Not just one "Good Morning," and "Welcome," but countless. When someone entered, they were immediately included!

But the hospitality didn't stop there. When our ushers asked others to sit with the newcomers so they wouldn't feel alone, the members didn't hesitate in bestowing geniality.

I know a little of what our guests felt, because that atmosphere, that excitement, that radical hospitality to make people not only welcome, but valuable and includable is what sold me on the small congregation I attended in Fort Worth, Texas, a congregation that has had to start doing two services, because fellowship is not perfunctory, but a genuine expression of love.

My friend and other guests were overheard to say they "loved it!" And I loved that they loved it, and Sunday's congregation is responsible for their joy!

I may be a little bit selfish in my thoughts, but I would love to see this repeated every Sunday morning.

Now that I've seen that we have so many greeters who warmly greet from the heart, I'm hoping that this month coming up, many of them will sign up so that we can maintain a full staff.

True hospitality is not a chore, but a service that transforms both the giver and the receiver.

Contrast that with the Baptist General Convention of Texas and why they decided to oust Royal Lane Baptist Church of Dallas:

"I think where we need to draw the line is when ['practicing homosexuals'] are elected to a leadership position," said Leonardo Diaz, pastor of Primera Iglesia Bautista in Hitchcock, according to the BGCT.

-- Audrey Barrick, http://www.christianpost.com/article/20100529/dallas-baptist-church-ousted-over-gay-deacons/index.html

In the same article, Audrey states the vision of Royal Lane:

Royal Lane Baptist Church describes itself as "an inclusive, multi-generational congregation" and "a vibrant mosaic of varied racial identities, ethnicities, sexual orientations, and denominational backgrounds."

The congregation affirms "the sacredness, dignity, and equality of every man, woman, and child and honor each individual’s freedom to worship God and to respond to his or her unique call to ministry and service."

Sam Hodges of the Dallas News reports,

Doug Washington, a Royal Lane deacon and BGCT executive board member, spoke against the resolution at the meeting in Northwest Dallas. He said the church has two gay deacons, and he praised them as outstanding leaders.

"To say something is wrong with them is to say God made a mistake," Washington said. "I can't buy into that."...

But he said Royal Lane, which has about 500 members, will not be threatened by losing BGCT affiliation.

"I think we're stronger than ever," Washington said.

The church also has been dropped by the Dallas Baptist Association. That group's board passed a resolution Monday, saying Royal Lane has "affirmed a doctrinal position regarding homosexual behavior that is not in harmony" with Baptist beliefs and practices as derived from the Bible.

- http://www.dallasnews.com/sharedcontent/dws/news/localnews/stories/DN-baptists_26met.ART.State.Edition1.492b80e.html

Is it any wonder then that the Baptist congregation has lost a third of its membership? I would much rather attend a church where I was allowed inclusion than one where I was merely "welcomed."

I was just nominated this week to be a "loving steward" on the Chalice Night Team, to keep Chalice Night, a weekly religious and humanitarian education venue, going. I was nominated by the Membership Ministry Chair, who is one of the founders of Chalice Night, because, as greeting coordinator, I make an effort to make sure everyone who walks through the door of our church is included. Known as the "door lady," I am always holding the door open and trying to make personal comments and greet people by their names when I remember them. I have filled this role two Sundays a month and one extra time last Sunday because it was the 5th one for that month. It has been said that I should teach everyone, not just the greeters--but the whole congregation, how to greet.

And perhaps, now that I'm on the board of a vehicle where that can be done, I shall.

Hugs and God Bless,
Sophie