My First Experience with ATS

Amy "Luna" Manderino, Founder and Artistic Director of Lunatique, became inspired to study bellydance after seeing FatChanceBellyDance perform at the Festival on the Lake in Oakland, California in 1993.

- Justine Sutton (2002). "Lunatique"

 My first experience in ATS was challenging and fun. I'm about a week or two behind the Wednesday class, and having to play make-up. This is the first time that I have actually met for five hours in a single week to practice dancing. By the time I was done Thursday, my body was finally starting to feel sore, but I was riding high. I had decided that since I had the opportunity, I was going to take advantage of Mecha Ramos's Thursday night beginning class with its Salsa fusion. I paid 24 dollars at the door to dedicate myself for the whole month, and we got started.

Coming fresh from my first ATS class, I started recognizing the same moves that I had been working on in the other classes, only with a slightly different flair. It gave me a chance to practice what I had just gone over and realize that all these different styles feed from and reinforce one another. As I recognize the subtle variations between each style, I'm hoping that it helps me be more graceful. So in addition to technique, this year I am planning to focus on stamina and grace; which further encourages me to study makeup techniques. The few pages I have read and applied from Making Faces has already had a noticeable impact, particularly when my image is being picked up on camera in a conference room setting.

A year ago, I was still not interested in ATS, but after having danced with girls in ATS, and being on stage while they did their thing, I really started feeling the energy of this art form. ATS stands for American Tribal Style, invented by FatChanceBellyDance in the 80s based on the eclectic tribal belly dance culture in the 60s and 70s. From ATS, various fusions, including tribal fusion have sprung.

As I banged my zils in class to the gradual immersion, I discovered that I was only about four moves behind in the basic vocabulary, so the class must have started fresh only in the last couple of weeks. Joanna welcomed me with open arms, and I found myself enjoying dancing with her this first time. Amina had each of us come to the front of the class to demonstrate a move while we kept the 3-3 pattern going on our zils. My brain melted on the 3/4 shimmy, not seeming to be able to zil and shimmy at the same time. I am focusing on that move this week. Yesterday, after about 15 minutes, I was finally able to do the 3/4 shimmy while zilling, but only if I just stood there. Today, I'm going to try to do the same thing, but with my right leg in showgirl position. Eventually I should be able to sway, and then, finally, step while shimmying and zilling.

When Amina called me forward, she asked me to do the Basic Egyptian, "I know you can do that."

Confused, I asked, "Which one."

She proceeded to show me the Egyptian one, and as I did it, she corrected me. I have been doing a Turkish Belly Roll all this time. What she asked from me was more simple, just a swaying pelvic walk with nothing added on top. This was reinforced two hours later in Mecha's class, when part of the choreography used that same Basic Egyptian, only with a kick-release, and from the side. Mecha used to be one of Amina's students years ago, so I can guess where she got that from.

Amina was telling Joanna, in my hearing, that the class was meant to help bring people up to performance level, so they could join they performing troupe, and that the Saturday class is an accelerated one. I'm willing to stay where I am, at least for this month, so that I can start getting more confidence. My goal at this point is to just start learning the technique, build my dance vocabulary up, and have fun with the group dances. I want to see which tribal fusion moves I learn come from ATS. When I feel more comfortable rotating into the lead, then I might switch to Saturdays. Until then, I'm going to enjoy every moment I can.

A funny thing happened. I accidentally joined a group demonstration of ATS to the rest of the class. I didn't know if I was supposed to participate or not. I happened to be in position 4, and just started following along. Practically all the moves Amina was improvising were variations that she had taught us in our Wednesday evening tribal fusion performance class, especially with the last choreography. I followed along as best I could, even through the half-turn sequences, when she suddenly stopped, facing the group, gave me a high ten, and said I "did a good job faking it." It was fun! I never felt so energized as I did in that moment, contributing to something larger than myself. I've had a taste, and now I want more, so much more.

Hugs and Blessings,
Sofia

A Woman in Progress

I never lost weight to fit better in the ballet world.  Maybe something inside told me that I was really okay the way I was, that it was not important to be a waif in order to dance. Of course, I wouldn't know how true that was until years later. But I kept dancing. It was what I knew and loved. I assisted my teachers in classes for the younger students and kept dancing every day. My mother was continually supportive, driving me to dance school and waiting patiently while I took my classes.

- Paulette Rees-Denis (2008). Tribal Vision: A Celebration of Life Through Tribal Belly Dance

I am a woman in progress and I always will be this side of the grave--even then, my proteins will break down and the organic material will recombine, lending its support to new life--always changing, always evolving. I have been through many passages in my life, but perhaps one of the biggest was my transition. There is a truism that transition is never complete, and I agree with that. My transition from male to female only was the beginning of a lifetime of change. Challenge, and the change that goes with it forces one to push her boundaries, to step out of the comfort zone and redefine who she is as a more open, complete, and round person. Being is a verb. It means about being active about who you are, and interacting and changing with the environment around you. It means finding new elements to express about yourself and finding ways to express them.

Dancing is for me a way to continually plumb to new depths as I link my body to my soul, which in turn links to the music. I become the marionette, but I do it my way. Everything becomes one. And I take classes to expand my dance vocabulary, and to help develop my body so that it can indeed have more expression.

Because of classes shifting, I am, for the time being, having to give up my tribal fusion technique class for troupe practice with Zarandeo Dance Company. Instead of crying in my soup, I thanked the fabulous Michelle Sorenson for having had the advantage of her instruction over the last year, and looked at my options.

I am about to enter my fourth year of belly dance, and most of what I have studied in the past three years has been cabaret style. I had a request to start teaching classes at my church, while at the same time I have been getting more interested in American Tribal Style and Burlesque. I am still in three performing troupes: Azalea, for the third year; Masheed, for the second year; and Zarandeo in its first year.

It turns out that the time that the church wanted me to teach is still in conflict with my current troupe practice, so I turned to the choice I really wanted to try: American Tribal Style. I started reading a book on it as an Amazon recommendation, and then my friend Kathy loaned me a signed copy of Tribal Vision. My tribal fusion dance instructor, the fabulous Amina, told me that she has another book for me to read on ATS. Several of the members of our tribal fusion troupe are also members of the ATS troupe Azar. I have been onstage and in class while I watched them perform ATS with such dignity. The lead/follow dynamic reminds me of Swing dance and the improvisational element reminds me of my own improvisational style. The culture is also attractive in its emphasis on building each other up together instead of competing to get the best audience reaction. I understand ATS has a huge vocabulary to it, so I'll be joining Amina's beginning ATS class on Thursdays after work.

I find it amazing that I actually backed my way into tribal style. Tribal style already has a very rich history over the close to 30 years since it's inception. It has branched out and flowed into so many new forms of belly dance in that time. I began with Cabaret and Egyptian Cabaret, took a gypsy workshop, and then over the last year joined a tribal fusion troupe and started taking tribal fusion technique classes. A few months ago, I was invited to join a troupe that specializes in Ethnic Fusion, and now I am going back to the root of fusion, American Tribal Style. I will actually have a chance to learn which moves are the tribal moves that infused into tribal fusion.

I have also entered another passage of my life. Last weekend, I had a wedding in Sugar House Park in Salt Lake City. I wed my road warrior Trixie in a celebration that involved an exchange of collars BDSM style, a Cherokee blanket ceremony, and a handfasting. It was an absolutely beautiful ceremony and Bert Fontana made me look like a goddess with my hair and makeup. As a result, I am now encouraged to start exploring makeup manuals to work toward recreating a glam look. All I had to know was that it was obtainable.

Hugs and Blessings,
~Featherwind

Honoring Courageous Transgender Veterans

I am dedicating my performance at the Stars and Stripes and Slinky show at the Fort Douglas Post Theater on July 6 to Kristin Beck, the retired Navy SEAL from SEAL team 6 who just came out in her memoirs. I have already written a trans-feminist piece that celebrates the forgotten warrior, i.e., women warriors, including trans women warriors, and am in the process of preparing to perform it monologue style at this benefit, which is a USO-themed burlesque show with the benefits going to area veteran's organizations. In a way, it is a cut at Don't Ask Don't Tell. In the poem I am going to deliver, I close with a rendition of a true story of a transgender woman who died on the battle field.

I am a Navy intersex transsexual veteran who served on the USS Lynde McCormick (DDG-8) and USS Mahlon S. Tisdale (FFG-27) from 1989 to 1993 during Operation Desert Storm as a Torpedoman's Mate.

I have been doing public performances since 2008, early in my transition, when I had the opportunity to do and the desire to perform They Beat The Girl Out of My Boy...Or So They Tried (as part of the Vagina Monologues) at  Casa Manana in Fort Worth in front of hundreds. I performed in the Vagina Monologues twice more here in Salt Lake City at the University of Utah in 2011 and 2012.

I am also a performing belly dancer, and have been doing solos for almost three years, almost as long as I have been studying the art of belly dancing, and performing in several troupes. It was via the belly dance community that I got my first invite to deliver some of my poetry at a burlesque show in February of last year. I decided to do a piece from the book that I published because it was the closest piece that I had that fit the theme. It was also a risk for me, because I was essentially outing myself to a whole community in which I felt loved. I left the audience crying.

I was asked to perform again this last February, in which I did a piece of trans-feminist slam entitled Certain Other Inalienable Rights, finding the packed audience very responsive. I had just had voice surgery and was surprised when I came from behind the curtain to have my first-ever standing ovation. As a result, I was asked to perform again this July at the Fort Douglas Post Theater for veterans.

When I saw the breaking article on Kristin Beck, I knew I had to dedicate this performance to her courage above and beyond the call of duty.

Hugs and Blessings,
Sofia

Washed Out at the Renaissance Faire

The weekend before last turned out to be a complete washout. I drove from Taylorsville, Utah, through the rain and overcast skies up to Marriot-Slatersville, Utah, with a bag full of snacks, my sword, and my portable jam box, dressed in gypsy garb.

When I got to the site, there weren't that many people present for a Saturday morning at 10:00. I parked near tha gate on the gravel, with the warning that the mud was so bad that parking anywhere else would be impossible to get out. The sand of the farm, mixed with steady rain had created a sloggy mess.

Regardless, I slogged my all the way back to the stage where were to perform. The staff had laid bark on the trail to aid in footing, but it ran out pretty quickly. As I slid and slipped my way back with all my gear, I eventually had to remove my flip flops because they were so full of muck and proceed barefoot. By the time I got to my destination, one of my friends came out and told me that they were probably not going to open that day. On our way back to the gate, I lost one flip flop and a really good book. I called my troupe members and gave them the sad news.

On Saturday morning, I drove out to Tooele to do a benefit performance at a nursing home that was adjoined to Asylum 49, a reputedly haunted hospital. My bra busted before I could even get out of the car. A couple of large safety pins later, I was dancing with my sword for the senior citizens of Toole, who clapped enthusiastically as I performed. I was able to also throw in the new moves I had been working on last week, and closed with a kiss and sword flourish.

When we took the tour, I felt a strong presence at the end of a long, dark hallway, and I wasn't the only one. There is also supposed to be a child ghost present on the site, but my impression is that he is very shy, as I didn't feel a strong presence in the area set aside for him.

My next scheduled performance is at Taylorsville Dayzz in Taylorsville, Utah, just south of the Taylorsville Recreation Center on Friday, June 28. I will will be dancing with the modern fusion troupe Masheed, and there is a possibility that I may be doing my sword solo as well.

Hugs and Blessings,Sofia  

The Forgotten Warrior

She plies the skies

For enemy eyes

Always alert

Always ready.

Her Falcon's talons

Ready to strike

At mach 2.

Warrior princess

She is the almost

Forgotten warrior.

History

Not her story

Has tried to erase

The lives of the great female knights.

She joins the ranks

Marches stride in stride

With sisters who have gone before.

Like Queen Tamar,

Zenobia and her daughters,

Who held the mighty Romans at bay.

Joan D'Arc

and Ahhotep,

Warrior Queen of the Nile.

Fu Hao

The priestess general.

And the cunning Artemisia.

And many more,

Who passed the sword

Like a gift from Ishtar,

Of Love and war,

Or from Athena

Athens Protector,

Kali,

The Creator and destroyer of worlds.

Worlds without end,

Worlds full of men,
Killing one another.

It is only in the divine feminine warrior,
That we find the mixed blessings,
Of love and strength,
Creation and destruction.

Her fierce nature
Roots both her passion
And her protection.

She is channeled,
To another place,
Another time,
Her passion,
Love,
Strength,
Ferocity,
Are called upon,
By the nature of another woman,
Thousands of miles from home.

Don't ask
Don't tell.

Out in the jungle

A warrior cries,

Struck down in his prime,

By bullets strafing in wild lines.

He holds hopelessly to his guts

Now worthless.

The pain subsiding,

The endorphins lulling him into a

warm

wet
 sleep.

The pain in his mind

About to also be dispensed,

The rapid crunching of the foliage

Approaching,

Disturbing sweet impending darkness.

It's too late,

He knows,

Whether friend or foe.

He looks up into the tear-stricken eyes

Of a friend.

“Oh my God,”

His friend cries.

“You'll be okay.

Medic! Stat!”

And gathers the fallen warrior in his arms.

“Shhhh.

It's too late for me.

But please one thing before I die.”

“Anything, dear friend of mine.”

“Call me Judy one more time.”

A Cyst

I'm pretty sure it's a cyst. I found it on the underwire line when I took my bra off yesterday evening. It's a hard lump just in front of the armpit. I tried massaging it, hoping it was just a clump of tissue, but it's still there.

The worst part is that I have no insurance now. No job, no insurance. I guess I really fucked that up.  That means if I go to have it checked out that it's going to be costly, a cost that I can't necessarily afford. I've already been on several interviews and been turned down by all but one company. I had the final interview with them last week and am waiting for their final decision this week. I have 2 phone screens today and an in-person for Tuesday with 3 other companies. At least, as long as I'm interviewing the other companies know that someone else may want me, which puts the 911 on the interview process.

What a way to go this would be. Killed by a cyst that became tumorous and wasn't removed all because I raised my voice one time and let an executive know another that his behavior was making me feel defensive. Stressed to death.

I have the option of tapping into my HSA to pay for the doctor, mammogram, draining. I don't have too terribly much in my 401k and IRA. Maybe I could plunder that.

I remember the days of waiting for my wife to leave, so I could secretly try on her bra. I remember sneaking herbal breast products and later starting hormone therapy. I remember not being able to wait until I got home to wear a bra.

I remember wearing a bra under my work clothes because it felt good, and later having to wear a bra because going without made my nipples hurt. I remember getting a natural breast augmentation done to be more proportionate.

Lately, I've been having to take my bra off to sleep, and now, I will have to forgo the underwire bra in favor of camisoles and jogging bras.

Sometimes life comes full circle.

Interview Questions

I am finding that I am starting to enjoy a certain part of interviewing and that's the point when I get to ask the questions. I have stock questions that give me insight into the company, the culture, the processes and the people. 4 to 5 questions is all it takes. I am also to take that insight and use it to drive my Q/A time at some follow-up interviews, which I did for the first time yesterday. I'm kind of wishing that I had discovered this technique some time ago. I also saw how well people who already worked together got to know each other better when I ask these questions to a group. I highly suggest taking the time to make your own stock list of lines of questioning. As an example here's mine, especially when I'm stumped for more specific questions:

1. What's your favorite part about working at XYZ, inc?

2. If you could change one thing, what would it be?

3 (For the technical interview). What new technologies have you introduced? What is the process of introduction? And did the technologies meet your expectations?

4. (For the managerial interview). If I were to be/progress into management, are there good mentors available? Do you have a good mentoring process?

5. (For the follow-up) This is a good time to drill down on things raised in previous interviews as the interviewer's job title dictates.

6. What recent challenges are you facing today and going forward?

7. Tell me about your first assignment/how you came to work for XYZ, inc?

Two questions I hate to hear are:

1. Where do you see yourself 1, 3, 5 years from now?

I hate this question because I'm a dynamic individual, and the answer, whether or not you honestly truly feel it, can jeopardize the interview. Do you have too much ambition or not enough? Ambition is ambition, sometimes requires encouragement, and sometimes requires tempering. The point is no one knows where they're going to be, and it makes them less agile. Maybe I should answer with a question of my own from now on: "I'm not sure. Are there specific opportunities that I should be considering at those intervals?"

2. What do you see as your greatest weakness?

This is a horrible question. Nobody is going to be completely forthcoming when they answer this question, because they risk getting the job. Instead, the candidate has to pick something that they are working on already that isn't their greatest weakness; or they have to pick a strength and show the negative side, thereby implying the actual strength. The last time I was asked this question, I was talking about my strength and accidentally started talking about how it became a weakness as a manager; to which I found I triggered commiseration from my interviewer.

Getting to know the people, culture, and processes before you start working someplace is vital. And even if you don't get the job, you can digest all that experience into secondary wisdom that you can take with you when you finally do land a job. This is really pertinent if you plan to lead or manage at any level.