Thursday, March 21, 2013

A Cyst

I'm pretty sure it's a cyst. I found it on the underwire line when I took my bra off yesterday evening. It's a hard lump just in front of the armpit. I tried massaging it, hoping it was just a clump of tissue, but it's still there.

The worst part is that I have no insurance now. No job, no insurance. I guess I really fucked that up.  That means if I go to have it checked out that it's going to be costly, a cost that I can't necessarily afford. I've already been on several interviews and been turned down by all but one company. I had the final interview with them last week and am waiting for their final decision this week. I have 2 phone screens today and an in-person for Tuesday with 3 other companies. At least, as long as I'm interviewing the other companies know that someone else may want me, which puts the 911 on the interview process.

What a way to go this would be. Killed by a cyst that became tumorous and wasn't removed all because I raised my voice one time and let an executive know another that his behavior was making me feel defensive. Stressed to death.

I have the option of tapping into my HSA to pay for the doctor, mammogram, draining. I don't have too terribly much in my 401k and IRA. Maybe I could plunder that.

I remember the days of waiting for my wife to leave, so I could secretly try on her bra. I remember sneaking herbal breast products and later starting hormone therapy. I remember not being able to wait until I got home to wear a bra.

I remember wearing a bra under my work clothes because it felt good, and later having to wear a bra because going without made my nipples hurt. I remember getting a natural breast augmentation done to be more proportionate.

Lately, I've been having to take my bra off to sleep, and now, I will have to forgo the underwire bra in favor of camisoles and jogging bras.

Sometimes life comes full circle.


  1. I am very sorry to hear of your news. I hope that you do find the finance to check this out and I really hope that your fears are unfounded.

    Sometimes I do wonder whether the world is against us.


    1. Hi Becca,

      I scheduled an appointment yesterday to see the doctor today. It is, in fact a Sebacious Cyst. At least, that's what the diagnosis is today. It double in size over two days from pinky diameter to thumb diameter, and is infected. It was currently on the surface, so the doctor took a scalpel and drained it, resulting in an open wound. She gave me care instructions on how to draw the poison out and put me on antibiotics in case the cyst goes deep and hits a blood vessel.

      I am to either call in to the clinic on Monday to say everything has improved, or to go to the emergency room in the event it has doubled in size again.

      The doctor's visit cost me 82 dollars; the antibiotic, 3 elastic bras, hydrogen peroxide, gauze pads and medical tape cost me another 24.

      I'm home now, and need to respond to recruiter requests and prepare for an interview with the state on Monday.