A Cyst

I'm pretty sure it's a cyst. I found it on the underwire line when I took my bra off yesterday evening. It's a hard lump just in front of the armpit. I tried massaging it, hoping it was just a clump of tissue, but it's still there.

The worst part is that I have no insurance now. No job, no insurance. I guess I really fucked that up.  That means if I go to have it checked out that it's going to be costly, a cost that I can't necessarily afford. I've already been on several interviews and been turned down by all but one company. I had the final interview with them last week and am waiting for their final decision this week. I have 2 phone screens today and an in-person for Tuesday with 3 other companies. At least, as long as I'm interviewing the other companies know that someone else may want me, which puts the 911 on the interview process.

What a way to go this would be. Killed by a cyst that became tumorous and wasn't removed all because I raised my voice one time and let an executive know another that his behavior was making me feel defensive. Stressed to death.

I have the option of tapping into my HSA to pay for the doctor, mammogram, draining. I don't have too terribly much in my 401k and IRA. Maybe I could plunder that.

I remember the days of waiting for my wife to leave, so I could secretly try on her bra. I remember sneaking herbal breast products and later starting hormone therapy. I remember not being able to wait until I got home to wear a bra.

I remember wearing a bra under my work clothes because it felt good, and later having to wear a bra because going without made my nipples hurt. I remember getting a natural breast augmentation done to be more proportionate.

Lately, I've been having to take my bra off to sleep, and now, I will have to forgo the underwire bra in favor of camisoles and jogging bras.

Sometimes life comes full circle.