Sunday, November 21, 2010

What Makes a Woman

@ Sophia, preach it to the choir. Let the man know the truth about your operation, talking about you gay and proud, be proud enough and tell a man who you lying to. Why wont you tell, because you know he would not want you if he did know the real truth. all that start out female crap is bull. Waht you ended up with? huh? stuff you had to alter and remove, let the man know!
--CaramelChocolate, "Dude Looks Like a Lady"

HipHopWired published a piece on the top 10 celebrities who were discovered to be in relationships with trans women. The response was varied, and one individual, CaramelChocolate, took on a line of reasoning that was full of false assumptions and in her way of thinking, she insisted that trans women are not women and should be proud that they are gay men.

I am amazed at how much urban myth there is out there, and how so many people still buy into it.

A transsexual woman goes through a lot to make life worth living. Society has taught them to just be men, and deal with it, and as hard as they try, they ultimately fail at being men.

It takes many years of self-repression, followed by many counseling sessions to come to appreciate who they are, and accept that they can live a meaningful, fulfilling life.

It takes a lot of time to transition from male to female--from 3 years and up--and the costs are hard to absorb by individuals who are now denied jobs because of their transition and the cost is nothing to sneeze at, because insurance doesn't pay.

Thank God, most transsexual women aren't limited to lives of prostitution. Many who are, however, are brutally murdered or abused under the assumption that they're only good for sex.

Most transsexual women can be found as doctors, engineers, lawyers and many other professions.

Gay men are not attracted to transsexual women, as I can tell you from my own experience. Normal, heterosexual men, and lesbians can be. Also, the majority of TS women are lesbian.

These people who have the courage to finally just be themselves are brutally murdered, assaulted, denied life-saving medical treatment, and denied life-sustaining shelter. Even at the age of 17 months a young child was strangled to death for appearing to effeminate.

This is by no means an easy life, and it is actually an act of human decency to recognize trans people for who they are.

Some people might think that trans women would never be attracted to trans men, because they are gay men after heterosexual men. That's a fallacy. It's quite often that the woman sees the man and is comfortable with them. I know trans men that are better men than many cisgendered men.

I also know of transwomen that are naturally lubricating, and uteruses have been found while operating on male genitalia. It is a form of intersex called male pseudohermaphroditism. To all outward appearances, the body is male, although just barely, and just barely fertile.

In addition, everyone starts out female in the womb. A male brain develops at a critical period when the gonads drop. If too much estrogen makes it across the placenta or there is a deficiency in anti-mullerian hormone generation, the brain does not lay out the normal male pathways, and still has a map that insists it is female.

But this gets even more complex, because the variance in hormone levels causes a spectrum of gender identities.

Fairly uniformly across cultures, there is strong evidence that 1 in 200 people experience gender incongruity. This has been happening for 1000's of years at minimum, and gender identity has been proven to be wholly separate from sexual orientation.

Men do not become women to have sex with men. The cost alone is prohibitive, and most men shiver at the concept of having their genitalia removed.

What makes you a woman? Your desire to be a woman, and your knowledge of what your body should be like, what your brain tells you is supposed to be there.

The true sin is denying yourself, because you can't love others as yourself, when you can't accept your own innate sense of self.

There is no devil inside you, whispering for you to break divine commands. There is instead the evil outside trying to convince you that you can't trust yourself.

I never lie to any person about what I have had if the situation warrants it, like intimate relations or just being a roommate with someone.

The fact is, unless the transsexual woman (and yes she is a woman, emotions and all) is raped or taken advantage of, they are up front in intimate encounters.

I spend most of my time alone, never trolling in bars. I've never slept with someone else in a committed relationship. I have been forced into sexual encounters against my will with men three times, every one of them fully aware of my sexuality.

And I am not gay, unless you count a preference for women. My mind has always told me I have a vagina
The neo-vagina is constructed using the original genital material--just reshaping it in a way that is bio-identical to if it had been formed that way.

The hormone production of natal women eventually stops. It's called menopause. Many girls have problems producing hormones to start with, requiring supplemental hormones.

Female genitalia does not make a woman, nor does male genitalia make a man. Neither do hormones or chromosomes.

Heterosexual men have been abusing, raping and murdering all kinds of women, including transgender women, in order to teach them their place in the pecking order. And they do so, fully knowing the genitalia.

Let me put it another way. A gay man or heterosexual man loves or identifies themselves with what is between their legs. They enjoy the sense of power it gives them in relationships and the bigger it is, the more manly they believe they are.

Gay men love men, love things that look, move and smell like men. This is oversimplified, because they don't love just any man like you wouldn't love just any man or woman.

Transsexuals who elect to get the operation, do so because they hate the male genitalia for causing society to force them to act like men. I hate mine, because in intimate relations, I feel that I am blocked by expressing my love with what should be there. I have been through three counselors who all agreed that I am a woman trapped in a man's universe. I have spoken with multiple doctors who also agree. I have two letters of referral from degreed individuals recommending my surgery this May.

I was married for 13 years to a woman and have two daughters through the same woman. Yet, the male parts were practically invisible to my mind and I felt separated because of them, because they were wrong.

I know this is a mental issue, but reparative therapy does not work, because the mental pathways are female, as science has proven. My father tried to toughen me up, but nothing he did ever worked, just sending me into tears of frustration and anger. There is no pill that will change what for 1 in 200 people is a sense of not belonging to one gender and not being admitted to the other.

I am praying, as well I should since I missed church to tell CaramelChocolate all this, that she comes to understand that the deceit is in not being honest with your emotions when you simply tell people what you've been trained to tell them. The deceit is in not sharing who you are on an intimate level. The courage comes in being honest about what you are feeling, because in the end, that is all we truly know, in the face of abuse and hatred.

Trust me. I have no desire to knowingly sleep with any celebrity. The number of unresolved emotional issues they carry to the table, the infidelity that is rampant among them, as well as the depression and stress that they live through is enough to keep me away.

Hugs and God Bless,
Sophie Jean


  1. I'm not sure who you were trying to convince more: someone else, or yourself. I don't have to describe myself, my gender or sexuality. I am a woman, plain and simple. I didn't need to convince, just a chance to be.

    Take the red pill...

    Lisalee :-)

  2. Though I did not come out as me till I was an "older woman," nearly everyone I knew got it right away without having to have it explained. They had known me as a vague presence, and suddenly I was real to them.

    Would have been *so* much easier to have been born gay instead ...

    Go Sophie!

  3. All this was actually counter the very spiteful and potential damaging remarks of a very spiteful woman.

    I don't need to convince myself. That was just a matter of acceptance.

    I posted it here mainly because I didn't want to lose the thread and the things I felt compelled to say. I know I'll never convince her, but I could not let her sway readers with her misconceptions.

    Call it a kind of advocacy, if you will.


  4. You know, when you encounter a "transperson" who denigrates your womanhood like that, you are basically dealing with a nelly gay man who is taking out their frustrations on you. Not all "transpeople" are the same as you. You are a woman, you don't have to put up with that kind of nonsense. You wouldn't do that to them, why is it ok for them to do that to you? They have no right, and they need to mind their manners.

  5. From the comments of this person, she is denigrating both gay people and trans people, which leads me to believe that she is cisgendered, but under false conceptions.